One of my greatest struggles is to honor people who don't always behave honorably. The Webster dictionary provides several definitions of what honor is - a good name, a reputation worthy of respect; a keen sense of ethical conduct or integrity. But, honor is also something a person does - give respect to someone or live up to an agreement made. I know that I want to be a person of honor, so I have to live honorably and give honor, even to those people who don't seem to deserve it. This is what God commands us to do!
II Samuel 13-19 tells the story of David and his sons Amnon and Absalom. Amnon committed a heinous crime against Absalom's sister. Absalom had Amnon murdered and conspired to overthrow David and have him killed. Neither of these boys honored their father. The end for both of them was tragic, and David suffered too.
As a parent, David may have found it difficult to mete out the appropriate punishment on his sons because he suffered from a "wounded conscience," in the words of Bible commentator, Matthew Henry. As a result, his sons felt free to commit the worst kinds of crimes. Henry says that indulged children are "crosses" to godly parents. Certainly that seems to be the case for David. The tension in the story of David and his sons seems to result from a father who was overindulgent, failing to discipline his sons, and sons who grew to disrespect their father because of it.
Part of me wants to sympathize with Absalom. His anger for David's lack of appropriate response to Amnon's crime against his sister seems justified. Yet, God says we are to honor those who are in authority over us (I Peter 2:18; Ephesians 6:5). More specific to this situation, we are directly commanded to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:2-3). Absalom did neither.
The brokenness that we observe far too often in parent-child relationships is a direct result of situations of overindulgence that come from parents who have "wounded consciences." We fear we lack the moral authority to discipline our children, so instead we look the other way, bargain with them, or excuse their behaviors. We don't honor them, they don't honor us, and everyone is damaged.
Living a life of godly integrity should be our priority. This doesn't mean we won't make mistakes. When we do, as people of honor, we must ask forgiveness from God and those around us, including our children. We must strive to set the example that we want others to follow. We honor God, and others, including our children, by the way we live our lives. It is from this place that we can be confident in our authority and make it easier for others, especially our children, to honor us.
Lord, I am one who hasn't always lived a life of honor, but I am so thankful for your merciful forgiveness. You let me learn and have given me opportunities to honor You and others by the way I live my life. Thank you for your commandments, for how you instruct us to live life. Please open our hearts and our understanding of your word so that we might set an example pleasing to You and one that others can follow. In your name, Amen.
